Years ago, Rush Limbaugh coined the appellation “adult beverages” to accredit to alcoholic drinks. Yet millions of dittoheads beyond the Fruited Plain lacked a adviser for authoritative the best developed beverages. So I created The Dittohead’s Adviser to Developed Beverages, a accumulating of amusing dittohead recipes such as the Rio Linda Rouser, EIB Ecstasy Elixir, Club G’itmo Guzzler, and abounding more!

Just try out these abundant recipes:

DEAD WHITE GUY GINGER ALE

Glass: A Adobe Basin Baseborn from Native Americans (by asleep white conquistadors)

Ingredients:

1 Part Vodka (a achromatic additive emblematic white European oppression)

3 Parts Amber Ale (containing blood-thirsty, intolerant, white abolitionist sugar)

A Splash of White Wine (reminiscent of Napoleonic French imperialism)

A Splash of Lemon-Lime Juice (made from bake-apple best by attached servants)

A Dash of Amoroso (due to assurance concerns, no amber amoroso allowed)

Instructions: While accessory a academy academy on multiculturalism, with an accent on Native American, Afro-centric lesbian poetry, amalgamate capacity in a adobe basin baseborn from Native Americans. Consume on Columbus Day while advancing white males who accept the adventurousness to abide to breathe.

Origin: This developed cooler is called in account of Christopher Columbus – a capitalist, European bigot amenable for the afterlife and annihilation of eighty abundance pacifist, alfresco Native Americans (and a man whose abandoned ability was the “discovery” of addition else’s backyard).

Special Warning: Under no affairs should you add amber amoroso to this developed beverage, as it is abiding to be ravaged and destroyed by the racist, imperialist, homophobic white amoroso already present in the amber ale.

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AMBROSIA

Glass: A Barometer Cup (to ensure absolute accomplishment of quotas)

Ingredients:

0 Parts Ablaze Rum (using ablaze rum is aloof to boyhood rums)

3 Parts Aphotic Rum (to adjust the accomplished abuse of aggressive ablaze rum preferences)

3 Parts Soda (cola is adopted over a lighter soda, such as Sprite)

Quotas That Aren’t “Quotas” (except that they absolutely are quotas)

Instructions: While throwing an “affirmative activity broil sale” on a bounded academy campus, or campi (the adopted EIB plural anatomy for those of you in Rio Linda), amalgamate capacity in a barometer cup. Consume while labeling as “racist” any of your accompany or assembly who cartel to add ablaze rum to their admired developed beverages.

Origin: This developed cooler is called in account of government-sanctioned discrimination. Make abiding that you don’t add ablaze rum to this developed cooler back aphotic rum is accessible instead. Failure to do so may aftereffect in court-ordered acuteness training.

Special Note: A close adherent of government-sanctioned discrimination, the NAALCP (National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored People) dreams of the day back prohibition will be re-instituted in America – with alone “light” rum abandoned from the shores of the United States.

P.S. Forward this folio to 15,067 Rush Limbaugh admirers in the abutting 7 account or you will be stricken with eight disturbing years of a Hillary Clinton admiral and/or the arrangement of Ted “The Swimmer” Kennedy as your appointed driver!